Inspired by the Mad Magazine reading book parodies, these humor pieces will provide the reader with education as well as entertainment.


13. MEN IN UNIFORM

13.1. The Armchair General

See the Armchair General.
See his puffed-up cheeks.
Puff, puff, puff.
See his collection of Third Reich memorabilia.
See his chin
if you can.
He's not really a general --
actually, he never made it past lieutenant
but he thinks he is a general.
In his dreams
and in his tabletop war-game
he commands the reborn Third Reich
in a glorious genocide.
He writes books too.
With titles like
"Spaceguard of the Waffen-SS",
"Gassing the Alien Hordes"
and "Aryan Tiger Tank Astronauts".
But if you ask him:
"Are you a Nazi?"
he will deny it -- angrily!
The Armchair General thinks nobody knows.
That's why he's still a lieutenant.

13.2. Grandpa

See my Grandpa.
Kind, kind, kind.
He was a mayor in the Swedish Army.
He watched the borders of my country
during World War II
and later went with the U.N. Forces
in Palestine.
Grandpa never killed anyone.
He was a gentle man
who played the violin.
He's my hero.

13.3. The Militia Man

See the Militia Man.
See his dress-up uniform.
Khaki, khaki, khaki.
He has never been in the real military.
The real military doesn't have uniforms his size.
The Militia Man's tailor is doing good business.
See the Militia Man's "recruits."
Rednecks, rednecks, rednecks.
They call him "Commander."
He couldn't command a Port-a-Potty.
The "Commander" talks to his "recruits"
about fighting the evil Government
that wants to take away their freedoms
such as the freedom to own slaves.
Is the Militia Man as dangerous
as he sounds?
It's not easy to say.
Perhaps he would be more dangerous
if he weighed less than 400 pounds*.
So support your local militia
with free donuts.

(*ca. 180 kg.)

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