Inspired by the Mad Magazine reading book parodies, these humor pieces will provide the reader with education as well as entertainment.


12. FEELINGS

12.1. Pain

Feel the pain.
Ow, ow, ow.
That is your body's way of telling you:
"I don't want this! This is bad for me!"
Your body will tell you this
if you step on a nail
or if you hit your knee
or hear Britney Spears sing "My Prerogative".
Children understand this!
If they burn their fingers on a hot stove
they remember the pain
and they will be careful around stoves
because they don't want to be burned again.
Grown-ups are different.
They could feel pain when they do something
but still do it again and again
even until their bodies get sick
or they die.
This is very strange.
Perhaps grown-ups are not as smart as they think they are.

12.2. Joy

Feel the joy.
Wheeee! Ha haa! Look at me!
It is hard to describe the feeling
when you're happy.
But it is so simple.
It doesn't last long
but the memory stays with you
so you can remember the moment of happiness.
If you are not happy
you should hear a good joke.
It is easy.
Or you can give a flower to a woman
and tell her she looks pretty today.
She will become happy
and this will make you happy.
Happiness is easy.
You don't need to think hard.

12.3. Laughter

There is a mighty force
in the human soul
that can conquer any fear
any threat
and any sorrow.
It is called laughter.
It is the enemy of evil everywhere.
Whenever you're afraid of something
you can disarm the fear
in a really simple way.
Just stick out your tongue
and press your lips around it
and blow out air
and make this noise:
PRRBBLRLFTHTHT!
When you make this noise
you are the king of the hearts and minds
of everyone who hears you.
That is when even the most powerful evil men
become afraid of YOU.

12.4. Insult

Most people have something in their heads
that we call "ego".
Ego, ego, ego.
The best way to describe it
is to tell you what an ego looks like.
The ego looks like a scared little chimp
that screams and shouts and wets itself
when it thinks someone is threatening it.
And only one thing
can defeat the ego.
Can you guess what it is?
That's right:
PRRBBLRLFTHTHT!
So remember
the next time you see angry men
marching in the streets
carrying banners like "WE ARE INSULTED!"
and "WE DEMAND APOLOGIES!"
and "ANYONE WHO INSULTS US WILL TASTE OUR REVENGE!"
you can unleash the mighty force of PRRBBLRLFTHTHT.
See the egos run for cover.

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