Inspired by the Mad Magazine reading book parodies, these humor pieces will provide the reader with education as well as entertainment.


11. TRUTH

11.1. The Truth

See the truth.
Truth, truth, truth.
Can you see it?
Perhaps not.
Getting to the truth
is like being nearsighted
... or like being farsighted.
The truth looks fuzzy because it is too far away...
...or too close to your eyes.
You can squint all you like
and you still can't see the truth clearly.
Truth is like the sun.
You can't stare at it for too long
or you will go blind.
Try wearing sunglasses.
It helps, but not much.
To some people "truth" is an "ideal."
What is an "ideal"?
An ideal is something that does not exist.
Which means some people's ideal
is a truth that doesn't exist.
Another word for this is "crazy".

11.2. Aphorisms

Say after me: "A-fo-rism".
An aphorism is an easy way to deliver truth
in small, bite-size packets.
Truth is easier to stomach that way.
Here are some aphorisms:

-There is nothing more dangerous than the way an engineer reads religious scripture.

-Everybody has to take a crap, every day of his or her life. Remember this: EVERYBODY.

-A sure sign of madness is that you suddenly, completely understand the meaning of life.

-People who want to be right at all costs, should instead concentrate on being reasonable at all costs.

-Dig a deep hole out in the middle of nowhere. Then wait long enough, and inevitably someone will jump into the hole of his own will. He will also tell you there must be a pot of magic gold at the bottom.

-If you keep staring at the empty sky, people will imitate this and think there is something to watch.
However, they will never be satisfied with appreciating the sublime beauty of the empty sky itself.

-Just because I respect you as an individual, doesn't mean I want to smell your bad breath.

-The world needs people who clean toilets and pick up trash. It does not need infallible people.

-There are two kinds of people: those who believe they cannot create something new and good -- but only steal what is good from others -- and those who believe they can create something new and good. The first kind are often thieves, and the second kind are often wrong.

-All writers are liars. Especially the ones who claim they're not.

-The shorter an aphorism is, the closer it comes to capturing the truth.

-Never give atom bombs to people who say they want to use them.

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