Inspired by the Mad Magazine reading book parodies, these humor pieces will provide the reader with education as well as entertainment.

4. GLOBAL POLITICS

4.1. Demonstrations

See the peace march.
March, march, march.
Hear the marchers chant slogans.
Chant, chant, chant.
"Hands off Saddam Hussein!" they chant.
"Talibans are people too!"
"Make peace with North Korea!"
The peace marchers are embarrassed.
It was more fun to go on marches in the old days
when it didn't look like they were rooting
for the bad guys.

4.2. Dictators

See the dictator.
You have to look closely.
There he is - the little man behind the giant flag
squeezed in between the big fat generals.
The generals have so many shiny medals
it looks like the dictator is showing off
his coin collection.
What did the generals get their medals for?
There are so many medals.
Such as the "Medal of the Workers' Champion."
You get that medal by shooting the workers
who try to escape the labor camps.
And there's the "Medal for Patriotic Service."
You get that medal by making people "disappear."
The generals must be great magicians.
They make thousands of people "disappear" every year.
Imagine if they pulled rabbits out of hats on TV.
Ha ha ha.
The rabbits would fill up the studio!
Why are the generals standing on line with the dictator?
They are watching a parade.
Here comes the tanks - wroom, wroom!
And the soldiers - tromp, tromp!
And the missiles - whoosh, whoosh!
And the fighter jets - zoom, zoom!
On the other side of the street stand the people
watching the generals.
Why are the people so quiet?
Because they are thinking.
So what are they thinking?
They are wishing that the tanks
and soldiers and missiles and jet planes
would attack the generals.

4.3. Presidents

Hear President X speak.
Blah, blah, blah.
He always talks about "our children."
Children, children, children.
Why does he always talk about "our children?"
Because he always thinks about them.
This President has many children -
but not with his wife.

See President Y.
He loves his country.
Flag, flag, flag.
He wants a strong defense.
Spend, spend, spend.
He tells young men to join the army.
President Y is brave.
Brave, brave, brave.
He fought in the Vietnam War.
Well, not exactly in Vietnam.
And he didn't exactly fight.
He was in the National Guard.
But his thoughts were always with his comrades
who fought and died in Vietnam.
Promise.

See the old President Z.
He's very old and sick.
Sick, sick, sick.
He can't remember who he is
or where he is.
He can't remember how he stood up to an evil empire
that had turned Eastern Europe into a huge prison
or that he signed treaties with the Russians
to reduce the number of nuclear weapons
and won the Cold War.
Why has the rest of the world forgotten
what President Z did?
Perhaps his senility is contagious.

4.4. Europe

See the European politicians.
They used to squabble among themselves.
Squabble, squabble, squabble.
Sometimes they picked fights with each other.
These fights were called "world wars."
But now the squabbling is going to end.
They have started a big club house together.
It's called "The European Union."
The European Union pays its farmers to grow food
that they can't sell.
This is called "subsidies."
The Union calls for the Americans to come and fight
when there is war in Europe
such as in Yugoslavia.
Then the Europeans complain
about how "aggressive" the Americans are.
Why did the Europeans form this union?
To keep the French and the Germans
from fighting each other.
And it works!
Because now that the French and the Germans are pals
they can hate a common enemy instead.
Such as Britain
and America.

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"A.R.Yngve's READING BOOK" is (c)A.R.Yngve 2003. All rights reserved. May not be reproduced without permission.

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