Inspired by the Mad Magazine reading book parodies, these humor pieces will provide the reader with education as well as entertainment.

3. BOOKS & PUBLISHING

3.1. Romance Novels

See the woman reading the romance novel.
Read, read, read.
See her eat candy while she reads.
Gobble, gobble, gobble.
See how fast she flips from page to page.
Flip, flip, flip.
She reads one romance a day.
See her weep as she reads the end of the book.
Sniff, sniff, sniff.
In the book, the heroine finds her true love.
This woman really believes in true love.
The kind of love that is stronger than anything else.
Especially the kind of true love in romance books
who just happens to be a very rich man
so that the heroine can marry him
so she won't have to work anymore
and can just lie in bed and eat candy
and read romance novels all day.

3.2. Fantasy Novels

See the hack writer.
Hack, hack, hack.
See him write a new book.
Type, type, type.
He writes one book a month.
He makes enough money to live
as long as he can write a book per month.
On his table is his medicine
to help him write faster.
It is called "alcohol."
Glug, glug, glug.
The hack writer has to take his medicine
twenty times a day!
So what is his new book about?
Same as the book he wrote before.
It's about a boy who must save the world
by finding a lost magic sword
which is hidden inside a castle
which can only be reached through a magic portal
which has been split into six magic shards
which must be taken from six evil wizards
whose castles are guarded by dragons
who can only be slain with a magic wand
which is hidden in a cave
which is guarded by trolls... but you get the idea.
The hack writer has a problem with his "trilogy."
It was supposed to be three books.
But now it has grown to seven books in a series
and he can't stop writing new ones.
What are the two words
that fantasy writers
and fantasy fans
hate the most?
"The" and "End."

3.3. Self-Help Books

See the guru.
He is a wise man.
Wise, wise, wise.
He writes self-help books
with titles like "12 Steps to a Richer Inner Life"
or "9 Steps to a Rich Inner-City Wife"
or "Stock Yoga: Meditation and Your Portfolio."
The guru is a mellow man.
Mellow, mellow, mellow.
Nothing makes him lose his calm.
Calm, calm, calm.
He is very generous with his advice.
When bad people blow up buildings
and kill a lot of innocent people
and the bad people are called "terrorists"
the guru says we must understand and forgive the bad people
who only did bad things because they were unhappy.
Why does he say that?
Because the guru
who is such an expert at being happy
hasn't got a clue about people
who are not as happy as himself.

3.4. Serious Literature

See the Serious Writer.
Serious, serious, serious.
He has won awards for his books.
Critics call him "the most important writer of our time."
He has written two books in his life
and each book took him five years to write.
The Serious Writer's book are deep.
Deep, deep, deep.
In each book, a middle-aged teacher suffers a spiritual crisis
and goes to bed with sexy young students.
Sex, sex, sex.
Then he tries to kill himself.
Pill, pill, pill.
Until at the end of the book
he realizes that since everything is pointless
even killing oneself has no meaning.
Who reads the Serious Writer's books?
No one does.
People just buy his books
and put them in the bookshelf
so that other people see them
and think that people read the books
of a Serious Writer.

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"A.R.Yngve's READING BOOK" is (c)A.R.Yngve 2003. All rights reserved. May not be reproduced without permission.

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