1.1. Boy bands

See the boy band in concert.
Boys, boys, boys.
Bland, bland, bland.
Wanna know why they're called the "Backstreet Boys?"
On second thoughts, it's better you don't know.
Hear the fans scream.
Scream, scream, scream.
How can the fans hear the lyrics over all that screaming?
The fans are twelve-year-old girls.
They don't care about the lyrics.
They're screaming at the boy band shaking their butts.
So what is the boy band singing on their new CD?
Same as they did on their last CD.
"I will never leave you."
Yeah, sure, you and a hundred million other guys.
"I will always love you."
Why do the boy bands always sing that?
Because it's conveniently non-committal.
After all, the fans won't love the band forever.

Hear the NuMetal band playing on MTV.
Waaah, waaah, waaah.
See the lead singer, all dressed in black.
Black, black, black.
No, you can hardly see him at all.
His black clothing blends in with the rest of the band.
Hear the singer roar and shout and scream lyrics.
"I come from a broken home," he sings.
"I am confused, depressed and full of rage," he snarls.
Hear the electric guitars blare an echo of his angst.
Blare, blare, blare.
Rage, rage, rage.
Angst, angst, angst.
Boring, boring, boring.
Why is the NuMetal singer so depressed, angry and angstful?
He never grew up in the slum.
He grew up in a secure middle-class neighborhood.
He earns a million dollars a year.
But he's really suffering, you know.
The IRS hit him with a tax audit before the gig!

See the rap artist.
Rap, rap, rap.
Hear the pounding sampled rhythm.
Boom, ka-chunk, boom, ka-chunk.
He screams about Black Power.
He opposes the oppression of black people by The Man.
He sees himself as a vanguard against white racism.
But he borrowed the sampled rhythms from a German synth-pop group
called Kraftwerk.
See the babes shaking their booty around the rapper.
Shake, shake, shake.
Bounce, bounce, bounce.
If you had a weak heart, seeing all that female flesh might kill you.
Hear the rapper's lyrics.
"B*tch, kill, guns, drugs, ho's, ghetto, yo, money, pimp, crime."
Academics call him an "icon of black culture."
Most of his fans are white kids.
What do you call a black man posing as a rapist,
drug dealer, killer, thug and pimp
For the entertainment of the white establishment?
Surely not "Uncle Tom."
At least Uncle Tom had some dignity.

See the bald, skinny guy behind the computers.
He's one of the biggest techno artists in the world.
He has never composed a single stanza in his life.
All his songs consist entirely of samples.
Hear his latest hit song.
"Oh yeah, funk soul brother, feel so good."
That's the first verse.
"Oh yeah, funk soul brother, feel so good."
That's the second verse.
"Oh yeah, funk soul brother, feel so good."
There's verse three.
And if you're really interested, here's the fourth verse:
"Oh yeah, funk soul brother, feel so good."
In fact, you could cut out any part of the entire song
and repeat it forever
And it would still sound like the complete song.
The techno artist is serious about his work.
"I have to listen to a lot of music until I found something worth sampling."
How honored the guys who wrote and played the original music must feel.
What is the techno artist trying to say with his work?
"I don't think my music is going to change the world."
"It's just meant to be fun."
His next project is to condense Beethoven's Fifth Symphony
into a one-minute sample.
The techno artist's idea of "fun" could be reproduced
by playing a scratched vinyl LP.
But if you listen to his hit song while you're on drugs
it'll sound real deep... -eep... -eep... -eep... -eep...

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